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Bad, bad baby names

When I was temping at a certain major health insurance firm, we used to call out terrible children’s’ names, in violation of HIPAA laws. My worst was a family with three children: Neo, Morpheus and Trinity. They didn’t even wait to find out the second and third Matrix movies were dogs before saddling their kids with those.

Such sport has its place on the Internet, as does everything, it seems: Baby’s Named a Bad, Bad Thing. (Bonus points for the Chris Isaak reference.)

Some winning entries, if that’s the right word:

I love the Lord, am a LDS woman, and would like to name my baby baby Jesus.

My husband says this is ridiculous because we are not latino and he does not even go to church anymore. I looked and it is a popular name in the US so it must be that others like me are out there spreading His love. His full name would be “Jesus Joseph Dewey”. Can any one tell me if when you are at the hospital can you refuse to let your husband have a say in what the birth certificate says? I 18 years old and am a first time mom.

I am having this baby boy on Aug 6. Dad and I love Alexander Scott but our last name is Smith. Will the initals be a huge problem? We don’t want him to be teased.

I like the name Jayden for a girl and Jaden for a boy. I’m also thinking of other bisexual names.

(And no, Jenn hasn’t had the baby yet, and no, I’m not getting Twitter to keep you updated 24/7. I am prepared to announce we’re naming him Rockstar Danger Yarbrough, though.)

Pirate Laws

Forget the Man Laws, these are the REAL man laws: Pirate Laws.

Highlights include:

Parrots are the preferred pirate companion. Monkeys are an acceptable substitute, unless they fling their feces at people. Then they are an awesome substitute.

A pirate should always remove his hat in the presence of a bartender.

No pirate shall wear a bracelet or a necklace, unless it is the tooth or tusk of an animal he killed. If in the presence of cannibals, a necklace is acceptable camouflage, but only if said necklace is made of human toes.

A pirate must never visit a tanning salon. If he is not already tan enough from searching for treasure, he hasn’t been searching hard enough.

Female pirates are allowed some exception to rules concerning hygiene and garmentry, but must make up for it by using twice as much profanity.

Dancing editor 4

Word of the Day: Lalochezia

Lalochezia: Emotional discharge gained by uttering indecent or filthy words.

Who knew there was an actual medical term for feeling better after letting loose with a string of profanity?